I READ IT ON THE NET, SO IT MUST BE TRUE

Recently, I was discussing the upcoming Presidential election with a fellow attorney who I thought was an Obama supporter like myself. For simplicity sake, I'm going to call my friend "Posie". After a few seconds I noticed my friend had a pained expression on her face and then she came out with, "I've heard some really bad things about Obama lately."

I asked her what she'd heard and she replied, "I've heard that Obama is not an American citizen." To this I exclaimed, "He was born in Hawaii!"

Posie shook her head and claimed that Obama's birth certificate had been falsified. There was a young clerk from Posie's office sitting next to her who was nodding her head in agreement with Posie.

I asked what else had Posie heard that was "bad" about Obama. Posie didn't hesitate and came out with, "He's a Muslim." More nods from her clerk.

I asked where Posie and her clerk who had imposed herself into the conversation had heard these ridiculous claims, and the clerk solemnly told me, "I read it on the Internet."

Bingo! Following the lead of former generations who's mantra was "I read it in the newspaper, so it must be true," the new unimpeachable source is the almighty Internet.

Now, to be honest, I use the Internet all the time. I think that it is a wonderful communications device but I'm not gullible enough to believe all that I read on the Net any more than I believe everything I hear on television news.

When Posie and her friend confronted me with these verifiability false claims about Senator Obama, I pointed out that Barrack had been "vetted" for two years. The "false birth certificate" had been proven to be unfounded. I also mentioned that I have read both of the Senator's books and believe him when he says he is a Christian.

I was met with looks which told me Posie and the clerk thought I was deranged.

Therefore, I have decided to spread the word about all of the negative, often bizarre, things that I've heard about Senator McCain and Governor Palin. My sources are unimpeachable. I read them on the net or friends told me they'd read these facts on the net. Here goes:

1. McCain fathered a Black child in South Carolina. We all know that this is true because the Bush/Rove campaign of 2000 used it to beat the senator in that state's primary. Have you heard McCain deny it during this campaign?

2. McCain is really an atheist who frequently makes fun of respected religious leaders. Remember when McCain criticized the late Jerry Falwell as being an "agent of intolerance"? So what if McCain later changed his tune to attract the religious right vote. That just proves the third fact that I've heard about McCain:

3. McCain is the king of flip-floppers. Not only has he flipped on Falwell, McCain voted against his own Immigration Bill. He was against off-shore drilling for years, but now he claims it's the only way to gain energy independence. McCain was the King of De-Regulators for 26 years (along with his buddy Phil "Americans are a bunch of whiners" Graham. Now? McCain suddenly wants to regulate everything and stop those evil Wall Street grimy golden parachute boys.

4. McCain is terminally ill. How do I know? I read it on the Internet. For God's sake, he's had cancer four times. And, folks, he's 72 with a history of bad health.

5. McCain has the temperament of a deranged pit bull. When his own lovely millionairess wife Cindy teased him about his receding hairline, he responded with a series of invectives which ended up with "You f*cking cunt." Even if own fellow Republican Senate members have said that having McCain with his finger on the nuclear button "sends shivers up their spines."

Let's move to the moosehunting mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.

1. Palin is really a Russian spy. She confessed to Katie Couric that she looks at Russia all the time. Why? She's picking up secret codes to destroy the U.S.

2. Palin supports Alaska's secession from the U.S.A. Her hubby was a member of the of the Alaska Independence Party founded by Joe Vogler who stated: "The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government...And, I won't be buried under their damn flag." Sarah Palin greeted opened the 2008 Convention of te AIP with words of praise.

3. Sarah Palin had an affair with her husband's former business partner, Brad Hanson. As Palin was being nominated as McCain's VP, Hanson was asking the court to seal his divorce file.

4. Todd Palin acted as "co-governor" with Sarah in Alaska. He took an active part in the now infamous "Troopergate" firing of the Alaskan Public Safety Commissioner.

5. Sarah Palin, contrary to having been vindicated by the investigation against her on Troopergate, was found to have abused her office.

6. Sarah Palin was baptized by a witch doctor and is therefore a practicing witch.

7. Palin was on her basketball team in high school and is rumored to have had relationships with lesbians.

These are only a few of the "truths" that I've read on the Internet and from such unimpeachable sources as the National Enquirer. Please feel free to circulate these facts on the Internet so that the "real" McCain and Palin can be uncovered.